I spent my twenties clambering out of one catastrophe and into another, doing some fairly disgraceful things—hiding, lying, hurting other people and myself. At least one hour a day was spent in absolute misery and penance, sorry for myself and for anyone who crossed my path of destruction. But behind the carnage, I was a genuinely good-hearted person.
All through my mental illnesses, I tried to make the best of it, to be a nice person. And there was no one more empathetic than me. If anyone else had a problem, I would drop everything to run to them. But my mind was not somewhere you would want to take a fishing trip, let alone a whole vacation. Of all the people I hurt in my life, I hurt no one more than myself. I hurt myself by doing things that would make me feel guilt and shame later on. When I finally got the right treatment and got sober, after a decade of madness, I heard people speak about serenity and finding peace of mind.
In early recovery, it was still an utter mystery to me. I saw a counselor who told me to give it time. I went to alcohol services—they told me to work a program. No one seemed to be giving me practical answers about how to achieve something I had been searching for all along: But the answer was so simple. You create your state of mind by the things you do, and you cement that by the things you tell yourself.
Things will always change. Life will sometimes be tough. People will say and do things that upset you. That's just the nature of things. As long as you hang onto your integrity, no matter what is happening in your world, you can go to bed with a clear conscience.
And no matter how tough things get, you can still have that wonderful sense of peace within you. But it takes some practice to really start to feel it, and to live with integrity at all times. Here are some tips to help you cultivate a sense of peace:. Make a list of all the good qualities you intend to cultivate. Are you going to be kinder, fairer, more tolerant, more magnanimous, more patient, more dignified? What are your responses to difficulties going to be? What principles do you wish to uphold?
If you've been struggling with your emotional or mental state like I was, it may be difficult, at first, to act with integrity all the time. You may find yourself making mistakes and sometimes behaving in a less than ideal way. I could have made my life a lot easier if I had validated the attempts I was making to do the right thing even when things were a struggle. But if you instead choose to focus your energy on moving toward something you do want, you naturally leave the negative weight behind as you progress forward.
Instead of concentrating on eliminating the negative, concentrate on creating something positive that just happens to replace the negative. Everything seems simpler from a distance. Sometimes you simply need to distance yourself to see things more clearly. You are more than whatever is troubling you.
A very real part of you exists beyond your worries, beyond your doubts, independent from the troubles and frustrations of the present moment. Step back and observe yourself as you experience each moment. Watch yourself as you think, as you take action, as you experience emotions. Your body may experience pain, and yet that pain is not you. Your mind may encounter troubles, and yet you are not those troubles. Think of the most difficult challenge you face right now.
What advice would you give her?
If you could step back and, instead of being the subject, look at your situation as an objective observer, would you look at it any differently? Think of the advice you would give your friend if your friend were in your shoes. Are you following your own best advice right now?
Take a few steps back and give yourself the benefit of this distance, and then give yourself some great advice. Take all the time you need. Take today breath by breath, one step at a time. Never let trouble from the past make you feel like you have a bad life now. Our wounds are often the openings into the best and most beautiful part of us. Today you have a choice to explore these parts of yourself.
Give yourself the needed time and permission to explore and heal. Stop thinking about what might have been and starting looking at what can be. Dear Future, I am ready now! Please leave a comment below and let us know. How do I get through the death of my father my wife leaving me and losing my home and 2 dogs and a cat all at once???
A year ago I was happy and had a great life and now suddenly at 59 I have lost everything I am in emotional pain everyday and pray to God to give me peace. I wish I could tell you how to handle all that.. If you have someone to talk to.. Detachment is the mantra. Nothing is constant but change in this world. Times change circumstances change and people change. I n this world nothing is yours.
Bad times change for good and good times never stay for ever so keep faith in god as he has a plan for everyone. So sorry to hear of your losses. I was forced recently to rehome two of my beautiful dogs due to a threatening neighbour and am in enormous pain. I have had many losses in the past, but yours are all at once so that is very difficult.
I hope you have some good friends to talk to and also see a counsellor or psychologist. I am finding the impermanence of life difficult to come to terms with at present but it seems to be a lesson we have to learn.. I hope you get through and come to peace and acceptance. I can really empathise with you. Point 3 is my problem, I always expect things to turn around exactly I want to, but slowly I have learned to face this fact, that there is nothing like magic, we have to work hard to get exactly what we want in our life. All i can say with my resent experience is …When one door of opportunity closes, God gives another and definitely the better one ….
I do agree life is not about a smooth ride, it is indeed your Karmas that get you places …. Thanks for this wonderful article. I feel burdened in life because of the huge emotional baggage I am carrying on my shoulders. I think a lot about could have beens. But that past is not coming back. I took some ugly decisions some bad ones and some crazy ones too. After reading this beautiful article I have come to realize how much I reminisce my past. My presents good too.
I think I should not forget how blessed I am in my present moment. To hell with the Past. A very nice article. I really needed this post with all that I am suffering today. All the 9 points mentioned above are so good and I am going to adopt them in my life. Thank you so much. The teachings of Lord Buddha and The Gita also talk on the same lines. We alone our own masters and our own slaves.
We are the absolute owners of our mindrabnd soul. If we think in a peaceful and positive manner then we will emit peaceful and positive vibrations. Its all in our hands. Creation and then destruction and then creation is the only truth. Birth and death, Day and Night and then day again etc…. Most of us are extremely critical of ourselves. Because we would never tell the world what we say to ourselves, in the privacy of our mind, we believe that we are the only ones affected by negative self-talk, low self-esteem, and anxiety.
We all have inner chattering, but problems arise when we start to believe in our inner chattering, such that false beliefs about ourselves are formed. These false beliefs become detrimental to our spirits and future wellbeing, unless we do something to unlearn these beliefs. I am exposing you, for you are not real! From today onward, I am free from you. Keep your inner space clean. Observe the people who talk on buses, or love to chitchat at work by the water fountain. If you observe and count the number of things they say that are actually useful or truly interesting, it would be a low number.
Not only is this distracting for those around this person, it takes an enormous amount of energy for this person to keep talking. Recall the last time you talked for a long time about something random, and how drained you felt afterwards.
Plus, the more useless things we say, the more useless things we feed back into our head. And at the end of such a day, they feel a tremendous sense of peace, space and energy bubbling inside them. This post was born out of 4 simple sentences someone gave me a few months ago. It may seem difficult at first, but do it consistently and consciously for 3 days and it becomes much easier after that.
Extend it to 7 days, and then to 21 days. Please do not kick yourself for slipping on the rules, it happens, let it go. After some time, observe how your outer world changes, as your inner world is transformed. Please come back and share with us. In the early 's I was diagnosed a "Manic Depressive" To make a long story short, my counselor told me "Some people are afraid of success" I believe that fit me to a "T" A close friend and I went to a FREE seminar and ended up taking a 48 hour class from the Mind Control Institute in January, This article brought back memories.
You see one of my worst enemies is procrastination. I've been retired since and am so busy I need a 48 hour day to do the things most people do in a 24 hour day. Their is an old saying "The truth is the light". Trust me, I see it, I know it, and as of this day, July 4, I am making a determination to do something about it. Our thoughts become our reality! I am trying to learn this very valuable lesson so I can become at peace with myself and the world.
This is a great article on achieving that goal. Thank you so much. Your email address will not be published. FinerMinds Team — January 3, Are you continuously overflowing with Joy and Bliss on a daily basis, such that you seem free of problems and emotional pain? If so, go directly to the comment section and share with us your secrets.
Peace is one of the most important human experiences. If you don't have peace, then you're not able to appreciate whatever else you do have. Finding inner peace, achieving peace of mind, is a major life accomplishment— and even though it can be hard to feel peaceful, anyone can.
Simple Guide to a Deep Inner Cleanse One way to clean out the clutter in our inner space is by guarding the garden of our mind. Follow these four rules to inner cleanse: Say what you mean. Mean what you say. The 4 Rules to Quiet the Mind — Explained 1.